A Series of Indecent Incidents
by A Perfect Devil
Summary: A modern AU where Vincent and Diederich are Ciel's parents, and everyone has lost their darn marbles. [Intermission to 'At The Crossing of the Lines']
1. prologue

**Prologue To a series of Incidents:**

Somewhere near Los Angeles, California:

Hannah was sitting in the kitchen of her house, it was her day off from work, and she was enjoying a book and a martini when the door bell rang. Either one of her sons would have just walked in, and she wasn't expecting any guests. It was the postal man, who handed her a heavy, large cardboard box almost entirely wrapped with packing tape. She signed for it, though she had no idea what it was. It was a brown cardboard box, addressed to her address, in scribbly handwriting. Return address? Somewhere in England. It was really heavy, yet had no fragile stickers put on it. The postage label said it cost a small fortune to ship all the way to southern california. It was her first thought to wait for Alois to get home before touching it, or to check to make sure it was really meant to be there. She after all, wanted to respect his privacy, he was almost eighteen years old, and he was enough of a man to get mail without his mother checking through it. Still, she worried about it. Wouldn't he tell her if he was expecting mail? He usually did.

Did Alois order something on the internet? Did Alois's boyfriend send him something? Hannah knew he had returned home for the summer, to his home in england, and that he and Alois skyped every single night. Hannah had let him room with them this past semester, but he had never sent them anything but letters before. She didn't think he would waste his time sending Alois such a heavy thing in the mail if he could just bring it with him at the start of the semester. This was a large box. Something metal rattled inside. Why such a large box? Why metal? Hannah had to know. She set the box on the kitchen counter, then found the boxcutter. She slices open the packing tape. It was filled with crumpled news papers. She set them aside and reached into the box and pulled out a pair of metal handcuffs. This is what made that metal clanging sound. Handcuffs. Not the toy variety, either. They looked like police grade hand cuffs. And rope. And several other things which Hannah did not want to think about.

Oh no. OH HEEELLL NO. That boy is getting a stern talking to when he gets home from classes. Hannah knew that blue-eyed, gray haired goth boy was trouble. Oh sure, he was nothing but polite and reserved, a real english gentleman. He met Alois at college, he was a marketing major. From a real, high class rich family, apparently he was from old-school aristocracy. Had a family mansion that dated back to the victorian era and everything. But handcuffs? On her baby? Nope. That boy is out of here. Hannah doesn't care how cute, or rich or charming he is. She will not stand for that kind of influence on her son. She was fuming. She had half a mind to send Alois a text message to come home right now, she doesn't care if he's busy at work, he's to get his ass here this very instant if he has half a mind to know what is god for him. But the door bell rings, again, and and so help him if it's the deliver man again. Thankfully, for Alois's sake, it's not him, but a distinguished looking gentleman in a suit.

"Excuse me," he said. He was tall, and handsome, with brown hair. He was a bit intimidating but he had he kind of charm that any man with a lot of power would have. Everything about him seemed strong and just a bit aloof. He was nothing short of really handsome. Hannah could see herself asking this man out on a date some time, to break that icy yet inviting exterior of his. Goodness knows, it's been awhile. He looked like a businessman who was in the wrong business, or a very successful model. Then again, if he were a model, Hannah surely would have met him at her agency at some point in time. What Hannah assumed as being his black convertible was parked by the house next door. The one with the 'for sale' sign in front of it.

"My family moved here yesterday, and we had some of our personal belongings sent through the mail and I may have mistakenly wrote down the wrong address on one of them because I was a in rush. I was wondering if you by chance, have received any of my things. The return address should be from London," he said. Hannah's mind clicked. In a second she was relieved that her son was still pure of mind, but immediately suspicious of this man. This man landed right on her to-be-wary list. He set Hannah's motherly protective instinct off, and she was quite unhappy that he would be living next door to them. He spoke like he was bothered by the situation. Like he wanted to get out of this situation as soon as possible. Like he was doing something suspicious.

"Was it a box of hand cuffs and rope?" Hannah asked, her tone was a bit stern.

"Yes," he replied hesitantly. He looked away from her, clearly put off by the situation.

Foreign accent, likely european? Check. Polished and polite exterior? Check. Handsome, even charming? Check. An entire box full of hand cuffs, ropes, and things Hannah did not even want to think about? Check. Hannibal Lecter had officially moved into the house next door.  
"Oh my god, he's a serial killer," Hannah muttered quietly to herself after she closed the door.

And so begins, a large series of sometimes fun, and sometimes idiotic misunderstandings.


	2. chapter one

**First Incident:**

Ciel had decided to go to college in California. He wanted to be as far away from his dysfunctional (at best) family as he could get. Alright, so Ciel had been living with Alois and his family in Los Angeles. His mother was really, really nice and she seemed genuinely supportive of Alois and his younger brother. His younger brother was something of an obnoxious brat, but then again, weren't all fifteen year olds? Hannah had become something like a second mother to Ciel. Everyone on campus knew. It wasn't exactly a secret. At least, not with Soma gossiping on like he did.

But here? it was a secret. Which is why Ciel had paid for Alois to stay at a hotel in London, not far from his family estate. Oh just going into town. His mother was busy teaching at primary school. His father was always traveling over Europe for work. Tanaka wouldn't take notice of it. Nobody was going to catch him, and he could still show Alois all his favorite places in London.

"Ciel?" Vincent asked. They were standing in a hallway in a hotel. Alois was just opening the door to the hotel room. He ran into that room and slammed the door shut before Vincent could get an even better look at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Vincent asked.

"Well- I- was…. uhhh…. my…g…girlfriend…" Ciel said. Fuck, it was like someone just shoved sand in hs mouth. Nohing made you quake in your shoes faster than your religiously conservative father thinking that you were using a hotel for casual sex encounters. Ciel was sure he was going to get his sorry ass dragged all the way back to the family manor and his father was not only going to wash his mouth out with soap, but probably with some kind of insecticide, and then revoke his tuition checks. Blame outrageous hollywood immortality for corrupting his son. Instead, Vincent started laughing at him. Oh thank heavens, he was probably drunk. Ciel wanted to thank god, no wait, satan for these small miracles in life.

"I never thought you were the thigh high stockings types, but here take this," Vincent said as he took out his wallet. He handed Ciel a condom. "Use this and let's keep this a secret between the both of us, alright? Do not ever tell your mother that I was here."

"Agreed. Thank you," Ciel said. He was a little embarrassed but he had been totally let off the hook! He was shocked, and over joyed. Thank goodness that Alois looked like a girl from the back. He went straight into his hotel room, not sparing Vincent another second to question him further.

"I can't believe I ran into my son here," Vincent said.

"What is he doing at this hotel?" Diederich asked.

"Sneaking around with his girlfriend, whom he never told me about," Vincent said. There was a slight thought that mayve the blonde in the black botty short and black thigh high stocking wasn't his girlfriend but possibly a paid encounter. Or maybe she was just a quick lay. He couldn't think of his son being like that though. Ciel the lady killer? Puh-lease. Vincent couldn't see him as anything other than the boy who never once looked at a girl, and blushed furiously and got quite embarassed and jumpy when Vincent tried to give him "the talk".

"Is she good looking?"

"I only saw her from the back. She's a short haired blonde with half her arse hangng out of her shorts wearing stockings and heeled sneakers. Kind of looks like a slut, so I gave him a condom so he doesn't catch anything."

"I'll stick around for an hour or so," Diederich said.

"You sure? I told Rachel I had a meeting after work so if you don't want to stick around by yourself?"

"No, it's fine. I think I need a nap after that anyhow."

"I love you."

"I love you two.

The scenery changed from the hotel room to the lobby. Diederich was getting ready to visit the Phantomhives home as a loyal friend when he happened to see Ciel in hotel lobby with some blonde. He approached them, curious to find out if Ciel really did pay for a hooker.

"Hello," Ciel said.

"Who is this?" Diederich asked.

"His boyfriend, Alois Trancy," Alois said, holding his hand out.

"Shut up, you idiot! This is my father's best friend!" Ciel said.

"Oh shit, I thought he was one of your teachers or somethin'," Alois said. And quick as a bird, he ran the fuck out of the building as fast as his legs would let him, leaving Ciel alone with Diederich. His father's best friend. There was nobody closer to his father except Rachel, they were so close, they were family. And now he knew, the one thing which Ciel so depserately never wanted anyone in his family to find out. Especially not his uncle.

"It's safe with me. I won't say anything. Promise," Diederich said. He knew he was going to tell Vincent but he had to say something to calm Ciel down.

Scien"Vincent, he have to tell Ciel about us," Diederich said.

"Are you kidding me? Why do you think I've lied to Rachel for nineteen years? Because I don't want my son?"

"He's an adult Vincent, it's not like Rachel can take him away from you."

"No, but he sure as hell will never speak to me again if he finds out that I've been having an affair for his entire life."

"Look, I met Ciel's girlfriend," Diederich said, putting air quotes around the word girlfriend. "His name is Alois Trancy. Ciel is pretending to be someone he isn't because he's terrified he'll lose his family if anyone finds out the truth. Does that sound like anyone you know? Like, hm, I don't know, Vincent Phantomhive?"

"I am the worst father," Vincent said.

"I swear that boy inherited all your best, and worst qualities," Diederich said.

"He is never, ever going to forgive me."

"You're going to lose him even worse if he thinks that he can never be open with you."

"You're a fucking evil manipulator," Vincent complained.

"I've learned from the best,"

"He's going to hate me,"

"He'll hate you a lot more if he finds out about us after you die in your journals I know you keep,"


	3. Chapter 2

**Incident Two:**

"Ciel, before you go back to college, we have to talk," Vincent said.

"It's not about you," Diederich said. This only made Ciel entirely, positively sure that his german uncle had loose lips or perhaps he never liked Ciel at all.

"I've been having an affair with well, your uncle, for well, since before I even married your mother, actually," Vincent said.

There was moment of silence. Then, out of nowhere, Ciel's fist flew forward directly into Vincent's face. He hit him dead center, causing Vincent to fall back out of his chair, and hit the back of his head on the floor. He lay there, unconscious on the floor, bleeding from the back of his head, and from his broken nose. Diederich looked at Ciel with look of shock and horror on his face.

"Well, that went about hundred times worse than I expected," Diederich said. He bent down and tried to hold up Vincent. Yep, he was knocked the fuck out cold. Then again, maybe he shouldn't have been that surprised. Ciel was like a younger version of his father, and well, that was exactly something Vincent would do.

"I know you are really upset, but please can you help me get him to the hospital?" Diederich asked.

"Fine," Ciel said. He helped Diederich carry Vincent into the back seat of his car.

"You told him, didn't you?"

"When I saw you, I was overcome with guilt. I couldn't jut let you live the rest of your life thinking that he would hate you. This is my fault. I'm sorry," Diederich said.

"Whatever, I guess I don't hate either of you, I just, I was angry. I feel better now that I've punched my father in the face."

Vincent only woke up after the hospital was done with him. He had a concussion and a broken nose. He was packed with gauze and bruised all over. His head was pumped with so many painkillers he could hardly think a sentence.

Ciel was there. Still scowling. Ciel, who had punched him square in the face. Vincent wasn't even mad about it, he knew that he really deserved it.

"You reaaahely could not punch me, y'know?" he slurred.

"You are high Vincent,"' Diederich said.

"I'm not high," Vincent said, "I have a concession."

"Concussion," Diederich corrected him.

"Yeah, yeah, a contessa."

"Both of you are ridiculous," Diederich said. He had to be the voice of reason in the room.

"It's the Phantomhive charm."

"Who would've thought you inhereted more than one of my mental dysfunctions,"

"Vincent, homosexuality stopped being considered a mental illness several decades ago."

"I don't even know what year it is."

"Ciel I swear to god if he has permanent brain damage I will make you take of him."

"Well, the doctor said he has no brain damage whats oh ever and the odd behavior is from the fact that he keeps taking too many pain pills, and that makes him forget he took the pill, so he takes another pills, and honestly, just keep the pills away from him."


	4. Chapter 3

"We're moving to Los Angeles!" Vincent exclaimed proudly.

"What?!" Ciel asked.

"Well, I decided that since I really fucked up being a father to you, and since I now have to move anyways because I lost the entire family estate, and because Diederich moves around with his job anyways, that we would buy a house in Los Angeles near your university so you can live with us and we can be a proper family," Vincent explained. To him, this idea was fool proof.

Ciel was not happy. Vincent really couldn't understand why. The reason was that Ciel saw this for exactly what it was. A true disaster in the making. He liked not having any parental supervision. He liked living with Alois's family, because Hannah wasn't a nut case who had lied to him about being gay for almost his entire life.

"I've already been living with Alois's family, I have a room and everything," Ciel said. It was true, they let him take the guest room and put in his own furniture in it. They barely even charged him rent to stay there. He had a great thing going, why ruin it now?

"First we need to need tell Rachel about this," Diederich said.

"I already told her everything," Vincent said, "We're getting divorced as soon as possible." Divorced wasn't the right way to put it. Rachel had screamed, and cried, and cried again, again, and again. She had even tried punching him a few times. She never wanted to see him again for the rest her life, with the exception of their time in court. Vincent couldn't blame her, not when he deserved it, and this time he really deserved her wrath.

"You can't just make all of the decisions with out me," Diederich said.


	5. Chapter 4

"We're moving to Los Angeles!" Vincent exclaimed proudly.

"What?!" Ciel asked.

"Well, I decided that since I really fucked up being a father to you, and since I now have to move anyways because I lost the entire family estate, and because Diederich moves around with his job anyways, that we would buy a house in Los Angeles near your university so you can live with us and we can be a proper family," Vincent explained. To him, this idea was fool proof.

Ciel was not happy. Vincent really couldn't understand why. The reason was that Ciel saw this for exactly what it was. A true disaster in the making. He liked not having any parental supervision. He liked living with Alois's family, because Hannah wasn't a nut case who had lied to him about being gay for almost his entire life.

"I've already been living with Alois's family, I have a room and everything," Ciel said. It was true, they let him take the guest room and put in his own furniture in it. They barely even charged him rent to stay there. He had a great thing going, why ruin it now?

"First we need to need tell Rachel about this," Diederich said.

"I already told her everything," Vincent said, "We're getting divorced as soon as possible." Divorced wasn't the right way to put it. Rachel had screamed, and cried, and cried again, again, and again. She had even tried punching him a few times. She never wanted to see him again for the rest her life, with the exception of their time in court. Vincent couldn't blame her, not when he deserved it, and this time he really deserved her wrath.

"You can't just make all of the decisions with out me," Diederich said.


	6. Chapter 5

"I'm going to be the best housewife ever," Vincent said. It was the first thing in the AM and Diederich had just finished his morning coffee. Vincent woke up extra early just to send him off on his first day of work at his new job.

"Do you even know how to clean or cook?" Diederich asked him. The better was: has Vincent ever cooked or cleaned anything in his entire, spoiled rich boy life? No, and better said: heeelllll no.

"No. I had a butler."

"Can I leave you alone while I'm at work and come home to a house that isn't on fire?" Diederich asked him in the most serious tone of voice. Vincent nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes."

"Are you sure, Vincent, really, really sure?"

"Yeeeesss… I'm going to be the best husband ever, and I'm making dinner!" Vincent said haply. Diederich just looked even more solemn.

"You are actually scaring me. Please don't hurt yourself while I'm gone, okay?" he asked and gave Vincent a quick kiss on the lips before headed off to work.

He had a secret. He was going to make the most perfect dinner as a surprise. Just to show Diederich that he really could this whole housewife thing. He carried his laptop into the kitchen and set the laptop on the counter top. His sister was on a skype call and was watching him via webcam while he tried to cook.

"Alright Franny."

"So you just want me to tell you how to cook."

"Yes. I got all of the stuff you told me to. It only took an hour at the grocery store!" Vincent said, as though that was something to be proud of. It was eight items. Garlic, pasta, three cans of tomatoes, fresh basil, rosemary and oregano.

"Good. Now open up the cans, and pour them into the large pot," Frances said. Vincent opened then and poured them in. So far so good.

"Finely chop the garlic, without cutting yourself in the process."

"Alright, now what?" Vincent said. He just put the angel hair pasta into the pot of boiling water.

"Vincent! Vincent it is on fire!" Frances screamed. Vincent looked behind him. The pasta was resting against the side of the pan and had caught on fire.

"Oh shit, oh no no no."

"Vincent, do something you bloody idiot!" Frances shouted at him.

"Oh fuck what do I do."

"GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!" Frances screamed.

"I don't know where it is!"

Diederich chose that particular moment to arrive home from work. He had gotten off early, and wanted to get home as soon as possible. "Dear lord in hell, someone save me," he said, before fainting.

He had been so angry at Vincent he had actually blacked out and fell to the floor. Ciel came running into the kitchen with the fire extinguisher, and blew it over the stovetop fire. Vincent knelt down to Diederich and felt his head.

Diederich woke up in a hospital room. Vincent was sitting in the chair beside his bed with a concerned expression on his face. "You blacked out from high blood pressure, you're in the hospital now," Vincent said.

"I got so angry at you I passed out?" Diederich asked. Sounded like something he would do.

"Soon a doctor is gonna come in here and remind you to eat a better diet."

"I don't need a better diet," Diederich said.

"Sandwiches are not the main food group and you know it," Vincent said.


	7. Chapter 6

Ciel had the bag of medical in his pocket. Vincent was out with Diederich doing some errands. He had the kitchen and the house to himself. Alois rang the doorbell.

"You got the goods?" Alois asked with a wide grin on his face. Ciel nodded and together, they got to work in the kitchen.

Ciel melted some butter on the stove top, and unlike his father, did not set single thing on fire. He crumbled the bud and made sure it was fully submerged in the butter, then he set that against while he melted the chocolate and got everything else ready. Alois sat on the countertop as Ciel did the cooking. He was just watching Ciel, like a cat, with the widest grin on his face, and he hadn't even gotten to eating the pot brownies yet.

It was the very moment that the oven timer dinged that Vincent, Diederich, and two of their friends arrived. One was a tall asian man with what looked like a dragon tattoo on his right arm. The other had long white hair that covered most of his face. He wore a completely black suit, shirt and tie. Vincent and Diderich did not introduce them, and they hung around Vincent like a somewhat sketchy looking cloud of smoke. Ciel pulled the brownies out of the oven.

"Oh man these look great Ciel," Vincent said, and cut himself a huge brownie. Diederich followed and now both of his parents had eaten the pot brownies.

"What do you think?" Ciel asked nervously.

"Best damn brownie I've ever had," Diederich said with a mouth full of weed brownie. Apparently, he couldn't tell the difference and thank goodness for that.

"You did a great job son," Vincent said. His creepy two friends helped themselves to the weed brownies. Leaving half of the pan left for Ciel and Alois.

"Let's go out for drinks," the chinese man suggested to the party.

"Fantastic idea," Vincent said, and they headed out. Ciel shivered and wondered what horrible misfortune he had unleashed on the universe.  
—

"Alright, alright, so if you could have sex with anyone, and I mean anyone, all throughout history, alive or dead, who would it be?" Ciel asked Alois. They were laying on Ciel's bed and feeling mildly stoned as hell from the pot brownies.

"Vincent," Alois said.

"What?!" Ciel yelled.

"Your dad is a prime piece of fine, british ass."

"Don't say perverted things about my father!"

"It's not my fault your dad is really hot!"

The door to Ciel's bedroom opened. Vincent was staring at Alois with a stern expression. "You stay from me you queer little man," Vincent said, pointing at Alois. Vincent gave Alois a death glare and then closed the door gently.


	8. Chapter 7

"Hello youtube, this is Ciel Phantomhive… and this is my father," narrated.

Vincent's pals Lau and Undertaker were sitting on the couch. They were all crying. There was a box with tissues in it. Vincent sat in the center, holding a box of tissues in his lap. The other two men occasionally grabbed a tissue and blotter the corners of their eyes.

"What is he watching, you ask?" Ciel narrated into the camera's mic.

"Fucking anime. Did I mention that my dad is huge fucking weaboo?" Ciel said. —

"Damn it, Vincent," Diederich said. He was holding a massive sword. Vincent was also holding a sword. He charged at Diederich. Diederich blocked the blow using his sword. They were dueling it out.

"I was just trying to cook!"

"Well, stop trying because you suck!"

Ciel was filming it from his bedroom window. Then he was putting on youtube. His channel was called "my strange father." it got hundreds of hits by the hour. Thousands by the day. People from all over the world were watching Vincent Phantomhive do stupid shit and were captivated by it.

 _"In my family, my brother plays violent video games and my mother stays up at night worrying about his mental well-being. But in your family, your dad pulls out an actual sword and starts stabbing at people with it and whooppe fuckin do thats just a totally normal thing for him to do and nobody gets how fucked up it is,"_ Alois commented on the video.


	9. Chapter 8

"Hey Ciel, did you know your dad is into porn," Alois said. He and Ciel were alying on Ciel's bed, staring deep into the captivating glaces of their smart phones. They also had some wine coolers that Ciel pilfered from the fridge when Vincent was paying attention. Figuring that Vincent never supervised him, and more likely, needed Ciels supervision, Ciel could just grab liquor whenever he damn well felt like it.

"Hey Alois, haven't I told you that your weird dad fetish thing for my dad has to stop? Because Vincent is seriously weirded out by it and I am just horrified," Ciel told him.

"Tell him to flirt with me less, also I'm serious you dad is in a porno."

"If you haven't noticed, he actually hates you," Ciel said. Vincent had never once flirted with Alois. In fact, when he wasn't around, Vincent had a series of special little nicknames for Alois, something like 'creepy kid with daddy issues' or 'it's obvious why his parents gave him up' or 'when are you breaking up with him?'.

"He's just being tsundere," Alois said.

"Whatever, but stop talking about my dad and porn."

"No, but like, he's online. Like he has this website, here look," Alois said, shoving his phone into Ciel's face. Ciel pushed the phone away.

"Stop it! I don't want to see your weird porn!" Ciel shouted.

"Here's just look at the page."

Ciel looked at the page. Vincent Phantomhive: professional dominatrix. It looked like normal business site, save for the image of his father holding a whip and some pretty, much younger black haired man (who for whatever bizarre and kinky reason, was dressed in a butler uniform with a series of red ropes tied around over it) in the background. Under the image it read: _weekly session videos featuring Sebastian Michaelis._ Everyone was fully dressed but Ciel was still scarred by it mentally.

"Fuck you for making me look at that," Ciel cursed.


	10. Chapter 9

Is was a fine morning. The sun was shining, the weather was a warm and sunny eighty degrees. There was a slight breeze in the air. There was a large, hairy legged tarantula was crawling on Vincent and Diederich's bed. His name was Claude and when it came to spiders, he was as big and hairy as a spider could be.

"Ciel, I can't find find Claude anywhere!" Alois complained, "If he managed to cross the road, you'll bring him to me, right?"

There was a sound of high pitched screaming, so loud even Alois could hear it next door.

"He's here right now. You better get him before Diederich kills him."


	11. Chapter 10

"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Diederich asked. There was Undertaker (Vincent's funeral director friend. Where they met and what his real name was- he had no idea.), some redheaded women and a blonde fashionably dressed guy. Whose names he also did not know. He wasn't sure how they got in his house. He was going to get water from the cold steel refrigerator. Diederich got himself a glass of ice and water, turned around, and saw them all standing behind him in his kitchen. He did not hear the front or back door open. It was unsettling. He should have called the police.

"We're god of deaths. I am Undertaker, this is Grell Sutcliffe and Ronald Knox. We are here to intervene on a major souls case involving yourself and Vincent Phantomhive."

"This is the guy that's matched with Phantomhive? Damn you're just as handsome in this lifetime," Grell said. Diederich felt really sick to his stomach hearing that. He wish so desperately that he should have called the police.

"Gee, I wouldn't have guessed you were gay," Ronald said.

"Well, I wouldn't have guessed a god of death would be an idiot but we're all redefining stereotypes tonight aren't we?" Diederich said.

"Knox, you're gonna need some ice for that sick burn," Grell said.

"Alright, is there any reason why I got pulled into a intervention with a bunch of death gods?"

"Because you need to know about the path of souls," Undertaker said.

"Path of souls?"

"Look, when a soul is created, it created with purpose. The soul will reincarnate time and time again until the purpose is lived through. Only once a soul reaches its purpose can it go to heaven and rest. For some souls, the soul craves money, fame, or in very rare cases…souls crave other souls. Your soul, and Vincent's soul, craves each other is an unbreakable bond. You two will reincarnate time and time again until you can be together."

"I try to be open minded, but I don't buy it," Diedeirichs said. He was not a religious man, or someone who believed in magic or ghosts.

"Here, take this," Undertaker said, handing him a piece of paper. It was a sepia toned picture of him and Vincent, that was for sure. They were wearing these old timey clothes and the paper felt antique, like this picture was taken over a hundred years ago.

"I don't remember ever taking this picture."

"Because it happened in a past life. Over 130 years ago, you and Vincent were lover in a different incarnation. That Vincent wrote journals and took pictures, and I saved them," Undertaker said. He had a messenger bag stuffed with old red leather journals. The pages were antique brown with age, the lather was cracked and worn. The corners were all folded back or torn. Someone loved these journals.

"If those were Vincent's, where did you get those?" Diederich asked.

"From you, well, past you," Undertaker explained.

"If this is true, and I loved Vincent in a past life-"

"In every single past life," Undertaker corrected him, "You are bonded souls."

"So my destiny is to be with Vincent, forever? In every possible life time?" Diederich asked. He felt like he was at an intervention. Except everyone around him was urging him to keep drinking, keep it up with Vincent, because you need him. He felt just a little bit sour that the man he was fated to be for eternity was a man that would cheat on him and like a primadonna his entire life. Diederich felt like that if he had to believe in anything, he could believe that he could do better than Vincent.

"Yes and no. Because you are together in this life time, it would be your last lifetime. Which is why that demon Sebastian Michaelis, is after Vincent's soul. It is at it's peak in flavor."

"Why couldn't I get a better soul mate, damn it?" Diederich asked. He would be so unlucky as to be stuck with someone who turned pasta in a fireworks show.

"Fate works in mysterious ways," Undertaker said.

"Why should I bother caring about Vincent, when he ran off with a demon that only wants to eat his soul?"

"Because you will always love him," Undertaker said. Emphasis on always.

"So, what do I do, now?" Diederich asked.

"Take this and go get your husband back," Undertaker said. He handed Diederich his heavy metal scythe, Diederich held the skeleton scythe in his hands. It felt heavy and uncomfortable. He could hardly lift it, much less slay a demon with it.

"Do you have anything more ergonomic?" Diederich asked.

"Try this," Grell said, handing him her bright red chainsaw. "You better return it though!"

"Well, I'm off to go kill a demon," Diederich said. He never thought he would say those words in complete seriousness.

Vincent was in Sebastian's apartment. It was small but sleek and modern in design. The furniture was all shiny black leather which gave stark contrast with the paper white walls. He had created a few online videos with Sebastian. Nothing too risque, just some light bdsm. He never even took his clothes off. Yet, that did not go over well with Diederich and Vincent couldn't understand why. Diederich told Vincent to get a job. Vincent got a job. Alright so it was questionably moral and he used thousands of Diederich's money to turn their basement into a sex dungeon, but it was still a job. That counted right? Apparently not, because Vincent was spending time at Sebastian's loft apartment.

"Here, have a glass of water," Sebastian said, offering Vincent a glass of cold water. Vincent took a long drink from the glass.

"I feel a bit touched, do you mind if I go lay down on your couch?" Vincent asked Sebastian.

"Not at all, let me go get you a comfortable pillow," Sebastian said. Vincent sat down on the couch and took another drink of water and reclined on the couch. He felt so tired all of the sudden. Sebastian walked away from Vincent for two seconds and Vincent already felt like he was about to pass out.

Vincent was half asleep when Sebastian propped his his over the pillow.

"A soul of the Phantomhive head, your souls is almost at its peak, I've never encountered a man… decadent and delicious…" Sebastian was talking to himself.

"What?" Vincent muttered.

"Hush now, sleepy human, soon it will be over soon, your soul will be mine," Sebastian said. He was reverting back into his demon form. He was surrounded with a snarling black miasma and his eyes glowed claret with desire.

"No no no no you can't," Vincent said, "I already gave my soul to someone else." He tried to crawl away and get away from Sebastian, but Sebastian just had him pinned to the couch.

"Stay still, or I'll make it hurt," Sebastian threatened.

There was the sound of a door being kicked in and a man revving up a chainsaw. Diederich rushed into the room without a word or a second to spare. He swung the chainsaw and managed to slice Sebastian from on shoulder to the next, lopping off his head at the neck. Blood splattered over Vincent, sobering him right out of his stupor. Sebastian's head lay on the floor next to the couch. Vincent felt sick to his stomach and ended up throwing up on it. Whoops. Diederich turned off the chainsaw and put it down. He was also covered in blood splatters. In through the door to the apartment came a fashionably late redheaded grim reaper. Grell looked down at Sebastian with a frown and took out her file book.

"Sebastian Michaelis, no further noted," Grell Sutcliffe said. "What a shame though, he was such a handsome devil!"

"Here's your chainsaw," Diederich said, handing her the bloody and magical gardening implement.

"What the fuck just happened?!" Vincent shouted.

"I just saved you from a demon using a magical chainsaw that I borrowed from a death god because I love you and I guess we're soul mates so it kind of had to be me that killed him," Diederich explained.

"I never want to get mixed up in magical stuff again."

"Good idea," Grell said.


End file.
